Summer Stuff

It seems I can’t go an entire summer these last few years without losing my hearing at least once. My doctor looked at my ears two weeks ago after I told her of this issue and everything looked good. My ears are just that damn sensitive and now here I am on Labor Day weekend not able to hear anything. Doctor’s appointment on Tuesday cannot get here soon enough. So let’s do some writing about the summer, shall we? BECAUSE I CAN STILL WRITE. I’m all about being grateful for what I CAN do.

I spent December of last year all the way through the entire month of July fighting my medical insurance and ultimately I won. So this was both an uneventful summer, but it has also been a summer of getting stuff done. I have a new social worker, a new doctor, and a physical therapist now. Currently working on getting an optometrist and a dentist. My doctor has given me medication for things every other doctor I’ve ever had would not. Thanks to that, I am already feeling much better. This doctor is not messing around. I like her.

I had my physical therapy evaluation last week. I have two exercises I do at home for now and my first regular appointment is next Friday. To be honest, I am a little (ok, more than a little) afraid for my therapist to work with me. I had PT until I was three years old and my parents stopped taking me because my old therapist tore the Achilles tendon in my left foot. I may have been very small at the time, but I remember that day and that pain like it just happened yesterday. I’ve made the new therapist aware that happened so I’m going to be spending this week telling myself I’ll be safe with this person and it’s her job to help me. I’m sure it will be just fine. I am so grateful to even have this help. I’ve wanted PT my entire life and I’m so on top of it. Even though my ears are causing me to feel not so great at the moment, I’ve been doing my exercises every day. I’m so excited about all of it. And yes everyone who has said “take it slow” — I promise I’ll never overdo it. I’ve never been that person.

On the summer fun side of things, here’s a list…

 – I took a social media break and spent an entire month just writing. And reading. Mostly writing.
– If you’re a creative type, listen to Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Magic Lessons” podcast on iTunes. Trust me. Just do it.
– I’m obsessed with Inside Out because sometimes I am a child. Well done, Disney/Pixar.
– Bianca and I took the train to LA to see my Kristin get a star on the Walk of Fame. It was worth the longest, hottest day if only to hug KC on her birthday, truly. Also, Carol Burnett was one of the guest speakers and that really doesn’t suck either.
– There is now a couch in my living room. My Person is good to me and I am grateful.
– Speaking of My Person, Janice was back in LA for the month of August. We took the nieces out to play. We had our favorite tacos. We went to our favorite vegan restaurant. I was introduced to shaved ice. Basically, when Janice is home, we eat.
– My Jessica from Orlando booked her flight to come visit me for a week in November. Happy Birthday to me!
– I randomly won free tickets to see Kristian Bush and Rita Wilson in LA last week. That man’s music is soul-changing. And Rita Wilson is pretty classy too. Her new album is going to be fantastic. (Side note, B is now kicking herself for not telling Tom Hanks when we saw him that she played Woody at Disney World. I am just amused over it.)
– I am now mourning the loss of the mango black tea lemonade at Starbucks. Damn you, pumpkin spice latte… It’s barely September!
– I have the best cat on the face of the planet. Just a reminder.
– Playing House is the funniest show on television.

All is well. I need a nap.

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Life lately…

Apparently a lot can happen in the three months since I’ve posted.  Life has had the highest of highs and lowest of lows.  So, life lately… what’s been going on?  A bullet list:

  • I saw Audra McDonald in concert for the second time.  She is not human.  She is an angel of voice.
  • I won tickets to a private Sara Bareilles concert in October and it just aired on PBS this past weekend.
  • My Person, Nicki and Steph gave me a birthday worth something in November.
  • Megan Hilty sings pretty too.  Saw her sing at Catalina’s.  Missed her so very much.
  • My pal Georgia played a nun in The Sound of Music Live.  We had fun playing “Spot the Stitt!”
  • My Kyla flew to LA to surprise me as an early Christmas present.  I still can’t believe she did that.
  • Frozen has become a pretty unhealthy obsession.  Elsa is my favorite.  Ever.
  • Anne and Annie were here for eleven days for Christmas and New Year’s and I got to be with them all but two of those days.
  • We sang Christmas Carols at Walt Disney Concert Hall with The Queen of Everything… Julie Andrews.
  • Saving Mr. Banks is magical.
  • Anne and Annie surprised me with tickets to see Celine Dion in Vegas.  It was the first time I’ve seen her live. I wept openly through the entire concert.
  • We saw my Kristin on New Year’s Eve in Vegas.  Because you only live once, right?  We got to love on her too which made all of our hearts happy.
  • I had my Christmas at Disneyland day on the last weekend of the season with Stephanie and Tiffany.  It was beautiful.
  • I went to the Mary Poppins sing-a-long at the El Capitan where Richard Sherman (composer of Mary Poppins) played the music for us.  It was one of the most magical experiences of my life.
  • My Person moved to NYC.  I miss her every single day.  So much.
  • I had emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed.  Turns out this has been the cause of ALL the health issues I had no answers for.  The surgeon said it needed to come out SEVEN years ago.  Glad I have answers and got it fixed.
  • Not glad about how much this recovery sucks.
  • I had an interview for an accessible apartment.  I should be hearing if I got it very soon.
  • I got an air purifier so I can breathe in this chimney.
  • There are nine people living in this house right now and I’d like to jump out a window.
  • I’m really struggling right now and really grateful for the handful of people that have been here for me.  I’m trying to stay positive, but it’s dark down here.

More substantial post when I go back to normal.  I just thought it might help me write this all down because I’m emotionally overwhelmed.  It helped.

This is not a love story.


On Valentine’s Day I posted online that I was going to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind as I always do on that day.  A friend of mine told me she can no longer watch that film for personal reasons.  I started to wonder if I had some unknown list in my brain of condemned movies – movies that take me back to a time that hurt, people I lost or just were generally reminiscent of a period where I wish things could have stayed the same.  I couldn’t come up with any, and in a way I was grateful, and then last night happened.

Ten P.M. and our internet went out for about twenty minutes.  In that time, I decided I’d find a movie to fall asleep to and just go to bed.  I chose (500) Days of Summer without thinking.  It’s my favorite current movie and has been since the first time I saw it.  There shouldn’t be anything wrong here, right?  And I used to watch it every night as I fell asleep so I knew it would sooth me into sleep.  This was a great idea, I told myself.

I didn’t even make it through the opening credits before I started bawling my eyes out and had to turn it off and cry myself to sleep.  I realized in the two minutes and thirty-seven seconds in which it was running just how much I miss my sister.  So much of the things that brought us joy were wrapped up in that movie.  “Us” — the song in the opening credits — was our song.  I had flashbacks of our IKEA reenactment adventure.  It was hard on my heart, and maybe I deserve a good punch in the heart now and then.  It’s been almost a year since we had a falling out, and I won’t go into details here, but I wish I could have handled the situation better.  I can’t take anything back that happened and I can’t fix it and I hate that.  In that moment, I just wanted to hide that movie away from the light of day forever.  I don’t think I can ever watch it again unless it is with her.

When I went to sleep, I had a dream that we talked it out – as we should have in the first place – and were friends again.  I have so many deep feelings about this that I can’t even put them into words.  It makes me want to reach out to her, but I’m afraid she won’t want to speak to me.  I’m not sure how I would put my thoughts into words if she did.  I just hope that she knows that no matter what happened between us, I have always loved her and am still inspired by her strength and courage.  And she will always be one of my sisters.  The place in my heart is still there, even if we never see or speak to each other again.

My love for the people in my life is unconditional no matter the circumstances.  I feel really exposed and vulnerable writing this here, but I needed to get all of this out of my head.  Exhale.

How I Spent My Winter Vacation

My bestie went away to Europe for five weeks over the holidays.  I missed her.  In a way though, it was a bit of a vacation for me.  I spent a lot of time with one of my heart sisters as she was housesitting.  There are just a few things I learned and did over the past few weeks:

  • There are people that actually help and care when you really need them.
  • Insomnia sucks, but some beds are magical.  Sometimes you need 16 hours of sleep.
  • Holidays with blood relatives are nothing but pressure. Holidays with heart families are perfect.
  • Never go see a movie in a sketchy theatre.  The projector will break in the middle of your movie.
  •  The Muppets will never fail to make me smile, whether I’m thirty or three.
  • Music Choice channel facts provide hours of entertainment.
  • Melted Snowman cookies are fun to make.  I should never be allowed to decorate them.  The same goes for gingerbread people.  In fact, I should start a blog called Cookie Wrecks.
  • Also, Melted Snowman cookies do not keep well.  Eat them right away.
  • Television and I are on a break.  Two reasons:  Rizzoli & Isles and the final episode of One Life to Live.  (Which is a whole other post.  I have a lot of feelings.)
  • It is possible to have good clean fun on New Years Eve.  I had the best one of my entire life.
  • Some people need to warn a girl before they sing you Disney songs in French.  I’m looking at you, Susan.
  • Never actually go Christmas shopping at Disneyland, you won’t find anything you’re looking for.  But the park is always more magical than usual.
  • When playing Wii with a three year old, you’ll get your butt kicked.
  • My body can do anything, no matter how exhausted I am, when I’m excited to see my nieces.
  • When you’re napping, your close friends get engaged.  Congrats Aly and Tim!
  • If you’re a theatre actor and you haven’t seen The Sound of Music, you have sinned.
  • If you’re a theatre actor, your kid will take influence from your previous roles.
  • The coolest Disney Store ever is at the Sherman Oaks Fashion Square.  Go there.  You’re welcome.
  • It’s nice to have supportive friends who tell me I can learn to play the piano even though I am uncoordinated and I don’t have a hand with full functionality.
  • I want to go back to voice lessons.
  • The government will censor the internet instead of taking care of more pressing issues with this country.
  • Skype is the most wonderful invention in the universe.