Pocket Universe Full of Stars

One year ago, I wrote a post on this blog for my Kristin’s birthday, after her accident that I don’t like to speak of.  I posted the link on twitter, as I always do with my posts, and Kristin retweeted it.  My little sister said Kristin introduced me and my heart to the world that day, and she really did.  On that day, 1,589 people from dozens of countries read my blog.  It was kind of surreal to the writer in me, and also incredibly overwhelming.  I thanked anyone who said something after reading it, as I am truly appreciative of their words because if you read my blog you know it’s really raw and I really put myself out there.  But out of everyone that read my blog that day, there was one person that really stuck out to me.  I don’t know what it was about her, but I started talking to her occasionally on twitter and eventually followed her back.  I don’t follow people on twitter I don’t know, save for a handful of celebrities, from my favorite TV shows so this was kind of a big deal.

This is Jessica.  On the day that my blog exploded Jessica not only read the post for Kristin, she sat and read my entire blog.  Maybe that’s what made something in my brain say she was special.  We started talking as I said, and I guess it really meant a lot to me that she seemed to be the only one who wanted to know me for who I was and not for who I knew.  I’m very cautious and protective of that.  So we talked occasionally on twitter and text for several months after that.  When I was going through all my health issues around my birthday and I could count the number of people I told on one hand, she was, to my surprise, one of them.  Around the end of December we thought it would be fun to FaceTime for the first time.  This made my social anxiety really act up because I don’t let new people in.  I have my heart family and that’s all I need.  Turns out, that night of FaceTime eventually turned Jess into a part of that family.  We have talked via FaceTime or iChat every single day since then, except for any time I’m out with my family.  You really bond with someone when you talk to them like this. Usually when I video chat with people, we end up doing our own thing and only talk when we have something to say.  Jess and I aren’t like that.  Most of the time we are talking about something.  We never run out of things to talk about and the weird thing is I can talk to her.  I can talk to her out loud about anything –  when I’m happy, when I’m upset – out loud.  I have never been able to do that before.  I even still struggle with that with my heart family.  I don’t talk to people, I usually have to write everything down.  Jess has opened me up, and I never thought that could happen to me.  I’ve changed so much in the past year because of her love and belief in me.  I’ve changed so much that I don’t even know how to explain our relationship to people.  So I just hang onto it, as something that is mine.  But I figured, since we have now been friends for a year, I would introduce her heart to the world, on my blog where everything started, since she’s become one of the biggest parts of my world.

Dear Jess,

Okay, so maybe this is a week late now… I apologize.  In the last year you have become everything to me. Our relationship is so unique and special and I’m pretty sure it has saved my heart and given me strength in ways I thought I’d never feel again, or feel period.  It is hilarious to me that Kristin always gives me the people that become pillars in my life and I couldn’t be more grateful that the grace of God has led you into my life.  You make me want to be better and I probably wouldn’t have started making such drastic changes in my life if not for your inspiration.  That’s just what we do.  We grow together.  I am taking my life back and making it my own.  You are going to OCU and making your life your own.  We are one in that way.  We are one in a lot of ways.  There is nothing that brings me more joy or inspiration than watching you make your dreams come true.  Getting to witness someone’s dream come true is something really special and it fills my heart.  No one deserves it more than you do.  I am so proud of you.  When it gets hard, I want you to remember that you can do anything.  I see the power inside of you every single day, and I know you are just going to become everything you are and everything you have always wanted to be the second you step somewhere that feels like home. You are an incredible human being and completely invaluable in my life.  We know things about each other that neither of us would share with anyone else and and that is so fragile and precious to me, I don’t ever take that lightly.  I hope you know that whatever you do, wherever you go, I will be here.  I hope you know how special you are.  I hope you let your smile light your path with every step you take.  And when you get a little lost, I hope you always remember that my heart is there pushing you to just keep swimming.  You will always be my pocket universe full of stars.  I love you.  Always.

Your Dory


2 thoughts on “Pocket Universe Full of Stars

  1. Again, you have brought a tear to my eye!
    Connections like you have with Jess are rare.
    So glad you two found each other. 🙂

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