The theatre is dark and cold.
She sits alone, perched at the edge of the stage.
Staring into the abyss of empty velvet seats.
Tap, tap, tap… the sound of her feet as they dangle below her.
And make contact.
The piano sounds, ever so faintly.
Breaking the silence.
She sings in a whisper.
With each note, a little light is let in.
She sings of bloom and grow, love and hope.
That’s the prayer that He hears.
And sends the angels to dry her tears.
You are safe.
Life takes shape from a dream.
These words have been tumbling around in my head this week. I’ve had such an overwhelming urge to write them down. Pick them apart. My brain coping with the abundance of feeling and emotion my heart has been weighed down with. Especially this week.
My computer has died. So I’ve been mostly cut off from the world. Maybe it was better this way, because over the last few months, the Lord had put me to the biggest test and hardest struggle. There’s something really terrifying when a doctor tells you they need to do a bunch of blood tests because they think you might have a life-threatening disease. The seconds tick louder, each one more precious than the one before. I fell into an empty shell. I didn’t tell people. I didn’t want to worry them. I knew I was fine, but what if I wasn’t? I didn’t care. I was just trying to hold on.
I spent the last three months praying. And crying. Wondering if I could handle such a fight if it came down to it. But not alone, I couldn’t, so the people I let in I could count on one hand. Specialists, special tests, it was a lot of waiting and worrying. I had distractions, visitors, plans that filled my time. This was the life. This is all that matters.
This week the empty shell broke open into euphoria. I sat in the balcony of a theatre with my big sister and faraway friends and watched as my blonde angel emerged from her own struggle and showed us she was where she was supposed to be, continuing to fulfill her life’s purpose to inspire. The tears streamed down my face, silent sobs between breaths and my big sister held me close, calming me into comfort. I knew then that I was going to be okay. Sister turned angel. Blonde angel giving me her light. The two biggest protections in my life. I prayed in their safety net, and they prayed with me, holding me in His glory.
The sigh of relief – I am fine. No scary disease – it was a false alarm. Life goes back to normal now, but not before it shifts perspective a few million times in merely a second. Everything is beautiful. Just how it has always been. And now I slowly unravel the weight back to calmness. Somewhere quiet. Where I know I can breathe.
My thirty-first birthday is exactly one week away. I have never felt more grateful and blessed to be alive. Thank you.
I’m just going to leave this here, too. Do yourself a favor and watch it.