Being alive in music and love.

A change of scenery can do a lot if you are healing from something that has taken a toll on your body.  I spent most of the month I was recovering from the double ear infection from Hell in my bed, terrified of the lack of sound, on top of being put through all of the medicinal side effects.  I was in a dark place, cried every day, and was in the mindset that it really wouldn’t get any better.  No one around me understood.  I felt completely alone.

On August 10th, the day after I got one ear back, I forced my body (as much as it didn’t want to) to leave the house.  I spent the afternoon at the fair with two of my sisters and we saw Martina McBride in concert.  This was the best gift God could have given my poor, broken ears.  Most people looked at me when I said I was going to a concert almost deaf like I was crazy.  However, Martina McBride has always been my favorite country lady, I associate her with so many positive things that I so desperately needed in that moment.  Singing her songs with my Mom years ago in Arizona and singing them in a different life now with my best friends on our car karaoke CDs.  I didn’t want those moments to just become memories.  I wasn’t going to accept that my person and I would never belt out a rousing rendition of “Independence Day” while driving around SoCal ever again.  I mean, we have to teach our nieces these important routines.  The fact that I may go completely deaf the next day was irrelevant to me.

The moment the music swelled, and Martina opened her mouth for that first note, I got a little teary.  I could not be more thankful to hear one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.  I couldn’t stop smiling.  I danced through the whole show.  I sat there and thought anyone who was not on their feet doing the same, was really taking for granted the moment they were in.  The whole world melted away.  I was with my summer concert partners in crime.  Everything dark that had been weighing me down was pushed into the purest of light.  Music soothed and opened me up.  Thank you Martina, for making me feel like I could breathe for the first time in weeks.  Music is so vital to being alive.  I felt myself living then.

The days following the concert were rough, but I kept fighting the pain and the dark monster that seemed to be hiding under my bed when he tried to peek in.  I struggled but was rejuvenated.  Knowing well that my heart family would all be together a week or so later.  I had to be well enough for that.  My Person was home then and that was what I was looking forward to all summer.  Nothing was going to keep me away from my family.

There is nothing more healing than a hug from someone you love who you haven’t seen in a long time.  There is nothing more healing than watching the small children in your life play and laugh together in the summer sun.  There is nothing more healing than sitting around a patio with people who do nothing but uplift you, just taking in the moment.  Thanking God for tangible proof that family really is just the people who love you.

I noticed something the night the Westies got together that I’ve never noticed before.  I don’t know if it’s because I do it on autopilot and don’t realize I’m doing it or what, but every time I am with any one of those people, on my way home I listen to Kristin Chenoweth.  I listen to Kristin and I talk to God, the whole way home, and thank Him for these moments, my people, this life.  So many blessings to count.  I thank Him every day of course, but I never realized how prominent it was as I say goodbye until the next time.  I always say thank you.  I really don’t have any regrets.

And the power of healing moments, well, at my doctor’s appointment yesterday I found out my ears are almost completely healed.  I am still deaf in my left ear, but the doctor said it should come back to me in a few days.  There were some things that were concerning on my blood work results but I am not afraid because now nothing can push me down.  I have love – it really is all I need.


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