If you’re following me on twitter, you’re probably aware just how much I am struggling right now. If you’re not following me on twitter, then here’s the deal:
My body has been putting me through pretty much everything this summer, and about three weeks ago on top of many other things, I got a double ear infection. No one believed me. Everyone kept telling me it was just an earache and it would go away. Sometimes I don’t think people realize that I know my own body and I know when things are wrong. In high school, I would have ear infections all summer from swimming in the lake every weekend. (My Arizona Mommy will tell you this, too.) So needless to say, my body especially knows when I have an ear infection, okay?
I ended up in the emergency room.
My whole face swelled up, I couldn’t talk and the pain was so severe it felt as if my ears were going to explode off the sides of my head. The ER doctor confirmed what I suspected the whole time and sent me home with oral antibiotics, antibiotic ear drops and pain killers. Thank God for you, ER doctor. The medication hit me with every possible rough and disgusting side effect. What the doctor failed to tell me was, there was a chance I’d lose my hearing. I mean, I guess I should have figured that was a possibility, but I wasn’t thinking about it because with all of the ear infections I have ever had, that has never happened.
I lost my hearing. Completely.
Waking up one morning and not being able to hear a single sound is, in a word, terrifying. It was even harder that no one understood. I regretted only knowing the ASL alphabet, but even if I knew actual words, I was not around people who would know what I was saying anyway. I couldn’t get out of bed because I couldn’t walk without falling because my balance was so screwed up. For a week and a half, I heard nothing. I couldn’t talk on the phone. I couldn’t watch TV or movies. People would continue to have conversations with me and then get mad at me for “ignoring” them, or yell in my face thinking I’d understand. I was scared it would never come back. I was scared I would never hear my nieces giggling ever again. I was scared I’d never hear my angel girls sing to me again. One of the hardest parts of this whole thing was the loss of music. Hold your music close to you, if you ever lose it, you’ll feel like you’re dying without it. Every possible horrible senario ran through my head. I cried all day long every single day. When the world is moving around you the complete silence is eerie. Thank God for text messaging and the internet.
At my follow-up appointment this last Thursday, one ear was well enough to be flushed out. Hearing sound for the first time was a little like waking up from a long sleep. I had never felt more grateful to hear the smallest things. The jury is still out on the other ear though. It’s still pretty infected and I still can’t hear out of it. I also had blood tests done. I’ll get an update on my broken ear and my blood test results in two weeks. I also got a stronger dosage of ear drops because apparently the ER doctor gave me a pediatric dosage. So, let’s pray this will do the trick.
It amazes me the people that check in on me or send gifts and love when I’m scared, alone, sick and hurt. It’s always some people you expect, some you don’t, and even complete strangers. This has not gone unnoticed. Thank you to all of you for your messages, words of comfort and reassurance, love, gifts and continued prayers. The world is made is up of some wonderful people. I am so blessed to have some of the most heartfelt of those people in my life. God bless you all for taking care of me and my heart when I so desperately needed it. Thank you. Just… thank you. You all know who you are.
When you go to bed tonight, count your smallest blessings. Even if it’s just the sounds around you.